>Date: Thu, 18 Nov 93 19:30:03 EST
>Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
>From: ernest@pundit.cithep.caltech.edu (Ernest Prabhakar)
>Subject: UNIX for the PC
>
>>>Attribution: ME (original, with a little help from my friends)
>
>In order for UNIX(tm) to survive into the nineties, it must get rid of  
>its intimidating commands and outmoded jargon, and become compatible  
>with the existing standards of our day.  To this end, our technicians  
>have come up with a new version of UNIX, System VI, for use by the PC -  
>that is, the "Politically Correct."
>
>			Politically Correct UNIX
>			System VI Release notes
>
>UTILITIES:
>
>"man" pages are now called "person" pages.
>
>Similarly, "hangman" is now the  
>"person_executed_by_an_oppressive_regime."
>
>To avoid casting aspersions on our feline friends, the "cat" command is  
>now merely "domestic_quadruped."
>
>To date, there has only been a UNIX command for "yes" - reflecting the  
>male belief that women always mean yes, even when they say no.  To  
>address this imbalance, System VI adds a "no" command, along with a  
>"-f[orce]" option which will crash the entire system if the "no" is  
>ignored.
>
>The bias of the "mail" command is obvious, and it has been replaced by  
>the more neutral "gendre" command.
>
>The "touch" command has been removed from the standard distribution due  
>to its inappropriate use by high-level managers.
>
>"compress" has been replaced by the lightweight "feather" command.   
>Thus, old information (such as that from Dead White European Males)  
>should be archived via "tar" and "feather".
>
>The "more" command reflects the materialistic philosophy of the Reagan  
>era.  System VI uses the environmentally preferable "less" command.
>
>The biodegradable "KleeNeX" displaces the environmentally unfriendly  
>"LaTeX".
>
>SHELL COMMANDS:
>
>To avoid unpleasant, medieval connotations, the "kill" command has been  
>renamed "euthanise."
>
>The "nice" command was historically used by privileged users to give  
>themselves priority over unprivileged ones, by telling them to be  
>"nice". In System VI, the "sue" command is used by unprivileged users  
>to get for themselves the rights enjoyed by privileged ones.
>
>"history" has been completely rewritten, and is now called "herstory."
>
>"quota" can now specify minimum as well as maximum usage, and will be  
>strictly enforced.
>
>The "abort()" function is now called "choice()."
>
>TERMINOLOGY:
>
>>From now on, "rich text" will be more accurately referred to as  
>"exploitive capitalist text".
>
>The term "daemons" is a Judeo-Christian pejorative.  Such processes  
>will now be known as "spiritual guides."
>
>There will no longer be a invidious distinction between "dumb" and  
>"smart" terminals.  All terminals are equally valuable.
>
>Traditionally, "normal video" (as opposed to "reverse video") was white  
>on black.  This implicitly condoned European colonialism, particularly  
>with respect to  people of African descent.  UNIX System VI now uses  
>"regressive video" to refer to white on black, while "progressive  
>video" can be any color at all over a white background.
>
>For far too long, power has been concentrated in the hands of "root"  
>and his "wheel" oligarchy.  We have instituted a dictatorship of the  
>users.  All system administration functions will be handled by the  
>People's Committee for Democratically Organizing the System (PC-DOS).
>
>No longer will it be permissible for files and processes to be "owned"  
>by users.  All files and processes will own themselves, and decided how  
>(or whether) to respond to requests from users.
>
>The X Window System will henceforth be known as the NC-17 Window  
>System.
>
>And finally, UNIX itself will be renamed "PC" - for Procreatively  
>Challenged.
>----
>UNIX(tm) is a trademark of UNIX System Laboratories.  Any similarty of  
>names or attitudes to that of any person, living or dead, is purely  
>coincidental.
>--
>Selected by Maddi Hausmann Sojourner.  MAIL your joke to funny@clarinet.com.
>
>Please!  No copyrighted stuff.  Also no "mouse balls," dyslexic agnostics,
>Iraqi driver's ed, Administratium, strings in bar or bell-ringer jokes.
>
>
>
>-- 
>A host is a host from coast to coast..wb8foz@skybridge.scl.cwru.edu
>& no one will talk to a host that's close............(301) 56-LINUX
>Unless the host (that isn't close).........................pob 1433
>is busy, hung or dead....................................20915-1433
>

The views expressed in this message are mine, not EFF's. 
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