Date: Tue, 18 Jan 1994 20:03:56 -0500 Subject: Meat >> >>[forwards deleted] >> >>> A dialogue by Terry Bisson. From a series of stories entitled >>> "Alien/Nation" in the April issue of Omni. >> >>"They're made out of meat." >> >>"Meat?" >> >>"Meat. They're made out of meat." >> >>"Meat?" >> >>"There's no doubt about it. We picked several from different parts of >>the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, probed them all the >>through. They're completely meat." >> >>"That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to >>the stars." >> >>"They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from >>them. The signals come from machines." >> >>"So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact." >> >>"They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat >>made the machines." >> >>"That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to >>believe in sentient meat." >> >>"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. These creatures are the only >>sentient race in the sector and they're made out of meat." >> >>"Maybe they're like the orfolei. You know, a carbon-based >>intelligence that goes through a meat stage." >> >>"Nope. They're born meat and they die meat. We studied them for >>several of their life spams, which didn't take too long. Do you have >>any idea the life spam of meat?" >> >>"Spare me. Okay, maybe they're only part meat. You know, like the >>weddilei. A meat head with an electron plamsa brain inside." >> >>"Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads like the >>weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They're meat all the way >>through." >> >>"No brain?" >> >>"Oh, there is a brain all right. It's just that the brain is made out >>of meat!" >> >>"So... what does the thinking?" >> >>"You're not understanding, are you? The brain does the thinking. The >>meat." >> >>"Thinking meat! You're asking me to believe in thinking meat!" >> >>"Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. >>The meat is the whole deal! Are you getting the picture?" >> >>"Omigod. You're serious then. They're made out of meat." >> >>"Finally. Yes, they are indeed made out meat. And they've been trying >>to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years." >> >>"So what does the meat have in mind." >> >>"First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the >>universe, contact other sentients, swap ideas and information. The >>usual." >> >>"We're supposed to talk to meat?" >> >>"That's the idea. That's the message they're sending out by radio. >>'Hello. Anyone out there? Anyone home?' That sort of thing." >> >>"They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?" >> >>"Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat." >> >>"I thought you just told me they used radio." >> >>"They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You >>know how when you slap or flap meat it makes a noise? They talk by >>flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting >>air through their meat." >> >>"Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you >>advise?" >> >>"Officially or unofficially?" >> >>"Both." >> >>"Officially, we are required to contact, welcome, and log in any and >>all sentient races or multibeings in the quadrant, without prejudice, >>fear, or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the reconds and >>forget the whole thing." >> >>"I was hoping you would say that." >> >>"It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make >>contact with meat?" >> >>"I agree one hundred percent. What's there to say?" `Hello, meat. >>How's it going?' But will this work? How many planets are we dealing >>with here?" >> >>"Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat >>containers, but they can't live on them. And being meat, they only >>travel through C-space. which limits them to the speed of light and >>makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. >>Infinitesimal, in fact." >> >>"So we just pretend there's no one home in the universe." >> >>"That's it." >> >>"Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones >>who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you have probed? You're >>sure they won't remember?" >> >>"They'll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads >>and smoothed out their meat so that we're just a dream to them." >> >>"A dream to meat! How strangely appropiate, that we should be meat's >>dream." >> >>"And we can mark this sector unoccupied." >> >>"Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any >>others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?" >> >>"Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen core cluster intelligence in a >>class nine star in G445 zone. Was in contact two galactic rotation >>ago, wants to be friendly again." >> >>"They always come around." >> >>"And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the >>universe would be if one were all alone."